IF
EASILEY OFFENDED DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER
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| http://www.107.peugeot.co.uk/peugeot.swf |
| A
couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks.
He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like
car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably
have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed
to like was way out of their price range."Look!" she
said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds
or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."
So,
for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
|
A
mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley
Motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his
shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to
come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across
the garage: "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the
mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened
up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at
this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any
damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works
just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get
the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically
the same work?"
The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered
to the Mechanic...
''Try doing it with the engine running." |
| I
recently complained to my electric company and this was their
response Dear Electric Customer,
Just
a little note to let you know we understand your anger in
the recent price hike. But it should be noted
that you have no choice. We are a big company and you will
pay what we tell you. You have no choice. We have the power,
you need the power. So sad, too bad. Sucks to be you. We have
enclosed a little picture to help
outline our response. Have a nice day and keep those checks
coming, loser!
Sincerely,
|
One
day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind
him "My elbow hurts like hell I suppose I'd better see
a doctor!"
"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery,"
Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco.
Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you
what's wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds
and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better than
a doctor and you get Club card points".
So
Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to
Tesco. He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up
and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the
slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and
avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two
weeks."
That
evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was,
Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed
some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples
from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture
for good measure.
Jack
hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He
deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits
the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a
lawyer.
5. And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow
will never get better........
Thank
you for shopping at Tesco. |
|
A Woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house. She knocked
on the door, then immediately walked in.
She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch,
totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume
filled the room. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for Ken to come home from work," the
daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"Ken loves me to wear this dress," she explained.
"It excites him no end. Every time he sees me in this dress,
he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end.
He can't get enough of me."
The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered,
put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic
CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying
there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.
"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?
|
A
blonde and a brunette are both in an elevator. On the third
floor a man gets on who's perfect: Italian suit, handsome, great
build with a nice butt, but unfortunately they both notice he
has a bad case of dandruff. The man gets off on the 5th floor.
Once the doors close, the brunette turns to the blonde and says,
"Someone should give him Head & Shoulders."
To which the blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?" |
An engineer, of the BMW Corporation died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told him, "Since you've been such
a good man and your motor vehicles have changed the world, your
reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven".
The Engineer thought about it for a minute and then said, "I
want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took him to the Throne Room, and introduced him to
God. He then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of
woman?" God said, "Ah, yes." "Well,"
said the engineer, "professional to professional, you have
some major design flaws in your invention. 1.
There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust. And finally,
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous."
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied
God," hold on."God went to his Celestial super computer,
typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer
printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well,
it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said
to the engineer, "but according to these numbers, more
men are riding my invention than yours."
|
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at
the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just
think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast
table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably
sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some
old times." Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and
sat down at the
table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly
replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were
fifty years ago."
"I'm not surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in
your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal." |
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there
for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to
his wife that he had terrible compulsion. He had an urge to
stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk
about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed
to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later,
Bill came home. His wife could see
at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember
that I told you how I had this tremendous urge
to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill,
you didn't. "Yes, I did."
"My! God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired"
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh..she got fired too." |
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts
rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm
sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow
and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he
rolls back over and taps his wife again.
"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
|
A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a gorgeous
woman. He notices she is reading a manual about sexual
statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This
is a very interesting book. It says that American Indians have
the
longest penises and Italian men are the best in bed. By the
way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
"Tonto Tortolini, nice to meet you." |
A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his
elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says "Ma'am, if your heart is
as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm
in room 221." |
There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted
weights and jogged 8 miles a day. One day, he took a look
in the mirror and noticed that he was tanned all over except
his "thingy."
So he decided to do something about it. He went to the beach,
Completely undressed himself and buried himself in the sand,
except for his "thingy," which he left sticking
up.
Two older ladies were strolling along the beach, one using
a cane. Upon seeing the "thingy" sticking up over
the sand, she began to move it around With her cane, remarking
to the other lady, "There's no justice in the world."
The other lady asked what she meant. She said, when I was
20, I was curious about it.
When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I begged for it.
When I was 50, I paid for it.
When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about
it.
Now, I am 80 and the damn things are growing wild on the beach
and I'm too old to squat
|
A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat
next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance,
then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The women notices
this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art
watch. I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's
so special about it?"
Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any knickers...."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken
because I am wearing knickers!"
Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an
hour fast!" |
| A
Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the
woods She went into the
woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said
to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant
you three wishes." The
woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you,
but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your
wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times
ten!" The woman said, "That's okay."
For
her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman
in the world.
The
frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will
also make your husband the most handsome man in the world,
an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied,
"That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman
and he will have eyes only for me."
So,
KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in
the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband
the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer
than you. " The woman said, "That's okay,
because what's mine is his, and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The
frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered,
"I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral
of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
Attention
female readers:
This
is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling
good.
Male
readers:
Please
scroll down.
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
Moral
of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really
smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy
the show.
PS:
If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes
to show that women never listen!!! |
| While
I was driving down the M6 the other day, (going a little faster
than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see
a copper on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait.
The copper pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that
classic patronizing smirk, asked:"Runway
too short?" To
which I replied, "I'm late for work." To which he
asked, "What do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher,"
I responded.
The
copper was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum
stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well,"
I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work
my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with
my whole hand in, work side to side until I can get both hands
in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the
hole, until it's about 6 feet."
Then
the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just
what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"
To
which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and
park him behind a bridge..."
Speeding
ticket: £105.00 Court costs: £45
Look
on copper's face: Priceless. There are some things money can't
buy * everything else is covered by Mastercard!
|
| A
little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to
be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum
cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If
I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to
demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"F*** off!" said the old lady. "I haven't got
any money" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as
a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed
it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not
until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with
that, he emptied a bucket of horse sh*t all over her hallway
carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces
of this horse sh*t from your carpet, Madam, I will personally
eat the remainder." "Well," she said, "I
hope you've got a f***ing good appetite, because the electricity
was cut off this morning." |
| One
morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and
decides to take a nap. Although
not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat
out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and begins reading
her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up
alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What
are you doing?""Reading
a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")"You're
in a restricted fishing area," he informs her."I'm
sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes,
but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start
at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"
she replies, without batting an eye. "But
I haven't even touched you," the game warden sputters."That's
true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment." The
warden was silent for a moment. "Have a nice day ma'am",
he said, and rowed away quickly.
|
Sheila
comes home early from work one day only to find her husband,
Mark, in bed with a woman. Sheila says "That's it, I'm
leaving and never coming back." Mark says "Don't you
at least want to hear my explanation?" Sheila shrugs and
says "Fine, let's hear your story." Mark says "I'm
driving along the street when I see this young lady in torn
clothes, no shoes, all muddy and crying. I took pity on her
and asked if she would like to get cleaned up in my house. She
climbed into my truck and I brought her home. She took a shower,
I gave her the underwear that doesn't fit you anymore, the blouse
I bought you 2 years ago that you never wore, the $150 Nike
running shoes you bought but never used - I even gave her some
of the roast beef you had in the fridge, but didn't serve to
me. I showed her to the door. She thanked me profusely.
As she was about to leave she turned around and asked me, 'Is
there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore?'" |
A
woman was shopping at her local supermarket, where she selected:
* 1 liter Milk,
* a carton of eggs,
* a liter of orange juice,
* a head of lettuce,
* a 500g can of coffee, and
* 1 kilo package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to checkout,
a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items
in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up
her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be
single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she
was intrigued by the drunk's intuition, since she was indeed
single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing
particularly unusual about her selections that could have
tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting
the better of her, she said "Well, you know what?
You're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied,
"Cause you're ugly."
|
A Catholic priest, a Baptist preacher and a Rabbi all served
as chaplains to the students at the University of
Michigan. They would
get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk
theology. One
day, one of them made the comment that preaching to people isn't
really all that difficult. A real challenge would be to preach
to a bear.
One thought led to another and they decided on an experiment.
Each would go out into the woods, find a bear,
preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they all met in the hospital to discuss the
experience.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was walking on
crutches, and also had various body parts wrapped in bandages,
spoke first. " Well," he said, " I went into
the woods to find a bear. When I found him, I began to read
to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing
to do with me and he began to maul me. So I quickly reached
for my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary, Mother of
God, he became gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out
next week to give him his first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, receiving
an IV drip, and had an arm and both legs in casts, In his
best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, " WELL brothers,
you KNOW that we don't sprinkle ! I went out and I FOUND me
a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY
WORD ! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took
HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one
hill, UP another and DOWN another,
until we came to a creek. So I DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his
hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as
a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
They
both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in his hospital
bed. He was in a body cast with traction, receiving IV's,
and there were monitors connected to almost all parts of his
body. He truly was in bad shape. The rabbi looked up through
swollen eyes, and with obvious pain said, Looking back on
the experience, circumcision may not have been the best way
to start."
|
A
HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
"HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN
FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW" HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY;
"FIX THE LIGHT, NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE AN
ELECTRICIANS LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!"
THE WIFE ASKS, "WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT." TO WHICH HE REPLIED, "FIX THE
FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE HOTPOINT WRITTEN ON MY
FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO." FINE, SHE SAYS, "THEN
YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR?" THEY'RE
ABOUT TO BREAK." "I'M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX THE STEPS", SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS
FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE
TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND HELP OUT. AS HE
WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING. AS
HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
"HONEY", HE ASKS, "HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?"
SHE SAID, "WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED
.JUST THEN A
NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED
TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO
BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE." HE SAID, "SO WHAT KIND
OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?" SHE REPLIED, "HELLOOOOO.......DO
YOU SEE DELIA SMITH WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!"
|
|
The Prime Minister gets a lesson in semantics
Prime Minister, Tony Blair, was visiting a school when a teacher
asked him if he would care to lead the class discussion on
semantics. Tony, having just escaped a mauling by the BBC's
Jeremy 'Rotweiler' Paxman by the skin of his lying teeth,
smugly chose the word 'tragedy' and asked the class to give
an example of its use.
One boy stood up and said, "If my girlfriend, Suzie,
who lives on a farm, was playing near the cesspit, and fell
in, and her dad stuck a fork through her chest and killed
her, that would be a tragedy." "No," said Blair,
"that would be an accident."
Then a pretty, dark haired girl called Keli, raised her hand
and suggested shyly: "If there was, like, a nucla war
dat killed all da blokes but left da girls alive and da last
bloke on earth lost his testicles in a shaving accident, that
would be like, a REAL tragedy." "I'm afraid not."
Said slimey Tone. "That's what we would call a great
loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Blair
searched the room in vain for an upraised hand. "Isn't
there anyone here who can give me a correct definition of
the word 'tragedy?"
Finally, a scruffily dressed blonde right at the very back
of the room raised her grubby hand. In an an uncertain voice
she said: "If an aircraft carrying you, Mr. Blair, the
cabinet and Mr Bush was struck by a 'friendly' missile fired
by an American helicopter gunship and blown to smithereens,
that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!"
exclaimed Blair. "That's right. And can you tell me why
that would be a tragedy?"
"Well..."
replied the girl, "it has to be a tragedy, because it
certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't
be an
accident either."
|
NEW
YORK - A public school teacher was arrested today at John
F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board
a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set
square, a slide rule and a calculator.
At
a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales
said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra
movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged
by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra
is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire
solutions by means and extremes, and
sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute values.
They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves
as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common
denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every
country.
When
asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If
God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction,
He would have given us more fingers and toes."
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more
intelligent or profound statement by the president.
|
Joe
wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until,
one day; he comes across a Harley with a 'For Sale' sign on
it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is
10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He
immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such
great condition for 10 years. Well, it's quite simple, really,"
says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's
going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects
it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet
her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before
they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have
to tell you something about my family before we go in."
"When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first
person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go. Joe is shocked.
Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge
stack of dirty dishes In the kitchen is another huge stack of
dishes. Piled up on stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks,
dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one
says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage
of the situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one
says a word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still,
nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes
off, throws her on the table, and has her right there, in front
of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad
is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back
down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he
thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table,
and has his way with her every which way right there on the
dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling,
but still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts
to rain. Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline
from his pocket.
Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All
right, that's enough, I'll do the f*cking dishes!" |
|
Did you ever wonder what a husband does while he is in a store
waiting on his wife to shop?
Check
out the following letter
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Our
store is considering banning your family from ever shopping
with us again, unless your husband stops his antics. Below
is a list of offenses over the past few months... all verified
by our surveillance cameras.
1.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off
at 5-minute intervals.
3.
July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading
to the restrooms.
4.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
tone, "'Code 3' in House wares!"..... and watched
what happened.
5.
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag
of M&M's on lay away.
6.
September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.
7.
September 15: Set up a camping tent in the sporting goods
department, and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if
they'll bring pillows from the Bedding department.
8.
September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins
to cry and asks "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9.
October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it
as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10.
November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11.
December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming
the " Mission Impossible" theme.
12.
December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna
look"using different size funnels.
13.
December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled "PICK ME!, PICK ME!"
14.
December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's
those voices again!!!!"
....and;
last, but not least
15.
December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited
a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet
paper in here!"
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